LD, FB, IQ and more !!

About 2 years ago I was told that I have Amblyopia (lazy eye) and along with that diagnosis I was also told that I have a learning disability.  I didn't have a problem sharing the Amblyopia diagnosis with family/friends but I didn't share the LD part with everybody.  I don't know, I guess I just didn't feel like sharing that after brain and other visual tests, I had the written comprehension of an "eighth grader".  The doctor administering the tests and sharing my evaluation was shocked to hear that I graduated with high honors from high school, got mostly A's and made it through 2 years of college.  He looked at me waiting for an answer and all I could think of was, "I wanted it soooo bad that I did whatever it took to get that "A"."  He told me that I had an above level visual memory and we figured out that speed reading was also something that helped me.   While I was going to college, I took an IQ test, just for kicks.  I remember the score and keep it in mind when I start to feel down about my struggles.  I don't put a lot of weight on intelligence tests in general but it is just a little reminder for myself.  A reminder that I am not "less smart" than anybody else.

http://www.ldonline.org/ldbasics/whatisld/

I currently have 4 or 5 books that I am reading right now.  It takes me a long time to finish a book.  I   often have to read a page and then go back and read it again and sometimes 3 or 4 times.  I try to speed read to process as much as I can before my brain "poops out" on me.  This doesn't mean that I can't learn, it just means that I have to work harder for it.  I also value other means of learning.  I am a very visual learner.  I like to watch documentaries and movies.  I learn from personal experience or the experience others.  My son also learns the same way and has Amblyopia. 

So what does this have to do with FB (Facebook)?  Well, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have learned since I have joined Facebook.  I like being able to quickly access information and take that information and do other research.  I like to read something or watch something and then share it on my wall.  If it makes sense to somebody else and they can learn from it, great.  If not, they can move along.  I do not post things on Facebook "in order" to have a debate.  If somebody disagrees with what they see or what they read, that is fine.  But, in the end, it is my wall and I will post what resonates with me and what I think to be true at the time.  I change my mind often and keep it wide open. 

Now, going back to my LD, I really like when people respond and share their thoughts about what I post on Facebook.  But, if it is a lengthy comment or you link articles that are really long, please be patient with me.  Also, keep in mind that if you are trying to "teach" me how to think or just continually tell me I am "wrong", expect that I will at the very least delete that post. I often post information about Veganism, Unschooling, Health and Animals.  These are the things I am learning and that I feel passionate about.  Maybe somebody else's life will change for the better the way mine did when somebody posted the Earthlings documentary about a year ago, for example.

I felt compelled to write this blog post and share it on Facebook because I wanted to take a little Facebook break.  The few times I came back to share birthday pictures or check messages, I saw so many wonderful things.  Break over, for now !!!

Thank you to those who took the time to read this and understand me.  Keep sharing your own thoughts and experiences.  Feel free to ask questions about myself or things I share as well.  It is much better than making assumptions or claims about somebody that aren't true.  I will try to do the same.

Waking Up Vegan

"Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. A sharp distinction between humans and 'animals' is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. It is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. The behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. They are just too much like us."

— Carl Sagan

I saw these turkeys up close a few months ago and couldn't believe how beautiful they were.  No more turkey for me.

About a month ago I got sick with the flu.  The first night I was sick I  had all sorts of crazy dreams about animals.  I don't remember many details, just that I was hanging out with animals in their natural habitats.  I decided to do a full detox right after the flu.  I thought, why not? I hadn't eaten for two days anyway.  I did a two week detox consuming mostly liquids, smoothies and eventually fruits and veggies.  In those two weeks, every time I thought about eating meat, I would get sick to my stomach.  I kept thinking about animals and suddenly became conscious of their suffering and ultimate fate onto my dinner plate.  I always thought I could easily be a vegetarian and I definitely understood the health reasons for adopting a vegetarian diet, but this was different.  I really felt compelled to make this change.  I began doing some research, pulled out a couple of my vegetarian cookbooks and found a vegetarian group on facebook for support and answers to my questions.  I soon came across a documentary somebody posted on the facebook group called "Earthlings".  I was only able to get through about ten minutes of the video.  If you take the time to watch, it will explain much better than I could possibly articulate with words, why I decided to become Vegan.

What is a Vegan? : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veganism

Earthlings Documentary : http://www.earthlings.com/

Please be warned though, if you are at all sensitive, it will make you sick.  If you are not sensitive, it will still make you sick.  What I learned as the makers of the film captured footage of the meat industry and how animals are treated shocked and sickened me to the core.  I will never be the same.  But, it isn't just the meat industry.  The dairy and egg industry are just as bad.  There is so much that I am aware of now when it comes to the treatment of animals.  In my opinion, the least I can do is not partake in the purchase and consumption of any more products that involve the use and cruelty of animals.  This is a very personal decision.  It has been surprisingly easy for me to make the changes I needed to follow the vegan lifestyle but I am still learning.  Jose (my husband) watched the documentary.  He made it all the way through.  He was also very much impacted by the film but continues to eat meat.  I have his 100% support and if he ever decides to be Vegan it will be because he decided to and it came from within himself.  He has already made some delicious Vegan Mexican dishes for the family and talks about what he can do to slowly implement meatless options in his diet.  My son will also continue to eat meat for as long as he wants.  He is aware that I am a vegetarian and I am sure we will have many discussions in the future but I will not force him to eat or not eat anything he doesn't want to.  They might change their minds in the future but it will be on their own time.  I am very excited for this new path for myself.  I have already experienced some positive changes in my health and I have become much more creative in the kitchen.  Luis has recently had an interest in cooking and wanting to help in the kitchen as well.  When he is part of the process of making a meal, he is more inclined to taste it and eat it. 



Luis chopping vegetables for Crockpot Quinoa stuffed peppers.
















In the last month I have learned how to make sure I am getting enough protein and B-12.  It hasn't been hard for me.  Here are a few products that I enjoy that accomplish those things (along with taking B vit. supplements):

My next steps are to purchase a few more Vegan books and recipe books.  I am also on a search for "cruelty-free" websites out there for other products such as personal care products and clothing, etc.  I am looking forward to finding more Vegan communities and people who follow this lifestyle and sharing more information and recipes.  I am open to answering questions and concerns.  Wait, one more thing.  This speech sealed the deal for me.  It doesn't show as many graphic tortured animal images as Earthlings but he gets the point across.  It is, in my opinion, the best speech ever !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es6U00LMmC4

I know this is a lot of information but for those who really want to know "why" I have made this decision in my life, I have laid it all out for anyone to read/see.  I have nothing to hide and I had to get over the fact that this is yet another "label" to make me more "weird" than I already am but oh well.  I am embracing my "weirdness" and who knows, maybe I will inspire somebody else to live more consciously and see animals as the beautiful sentient beings that they are.

Julian Camping Adventure

Now that I've had some time to recover and edit some pictures, I wanted to share some of the highlights of the Gonzalez family's first camping trip.  There was a lot of learning, laughing, eating and playing but hardly any sleeping.  We stayed in one of the rental trailers at KQ Ranch in Julian.  We decided that a trailer would be a good choice for our first trip.  We thought it would be something in between a tent and a cabin.

  It seems big from the outside but we had to get used to not being able to move around so much.  I guess, in a way, it slowed us down and forced us to be cozy.  Tatiana didn't seem to mind and we even discussed trying out tent camping soon.  She also let Luis have the top bunk.  We promised her the top next time.  When I asked Luis what he liked about camping the first thing he mentioned was being in the bunk bed.   

After we got settled and picked out beds, Luis and Tatiana went to the kids club area.  They had a craft room, video games, air hockey, games to check out and a jumpy outside. 



We explored the campground while Jose took a nap.  We found a playground for Luis, a tree stump that looked like a chair and many beautiful birds. 

When we got back Jose was ready to barbeque and we finished the evening with a card game, reading about the moon and constellations in our camping book (it was a full moon that night) and of course, some s'mores. Yummy !!

  

  

Okay, here is the part where I complain a little.  Just a little.  So, for those that don't know, I am a VERY light sleeper.  I usually have white noise near me so that I can sleep.  Well, I forgot my white noise source and the trailer next to us forgot about the 10pm quiet time rule.  Ahhhhh !! Wouldn't it figure that the whole campground is quiet, not a peep coming from any of the other campers and we rent the trailer right next to the Mariachi music loving family.  I don't even know what time they decided to stop the music.  Needless to say, it was a long night.  But, karma provided payback to our neighbors in the form of two loud children (oh wait, Tati is a teenager) who woke up with the sun.  Mwahahahaha !!

I love mornings in the mountains.  The air is so crisp and clean and cool.  Perfect for a trip to the California Wolf Center (which happens to be located right next to the campground) for a tour.  I am quite certain that this was Tatiana's favorite part of the trip.  She loves wolves and I loved learning about them.  They were awesome.  It started with an educational presentation about their habitat, history, population, etc. and then we went outside to try to see some of them up close.  Unfortunately, they didn't get too close to the fence but I think I was able to get at least one picture of them from far. 

Our last fun activity at the ranch was a game of miniature golf !!

And by about 3pm on Sunday we were all tired and ready to head home.  But, not before stopping at "Mom's" for some apple pie !!

Overall, we had a great time but it was nice to come home to our beds and my "white noise".  I am hoping to continue these camping trips and try out some different campgrounds in the future.

"Hummingbird Parent"

I read an article recently by Richard Louv about children and fear where Bethe Almeras uses the term "Hummingbird Parent" ( http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/people-in-nature/201012/hummingbird-parents-seven-actions-parents-can-take-reduce-risk-and-stil).  She writes, "I tend to stay physically distant to let them explore and problem solve, but zoom in at moments when safety is an issue (which isn't very often)." Now that I've been a parent for 6 years (technically 9 years if I count my years as a step-parent), I've had plenty of time to reflect and decide what "kind" of parent I am.  There are parents that believe in total freedom but overlooking safety and parents on the other end of the spectrum that worry and control every move their children make, surrounding them with fear (sometimes referred to as "helicopter parents").  I'd like to think I fall somewhere in the middle and "Hummingbird" sounds about right.  I am always present and always in Luis' sight but he is free to explore and challenge himself when he feels ready to.  When I am worried that he is putting himself in a situation that is dangerous I often join him or show him and point out the dangers along the way.  For example, Luis loves to climb trees, rocks and anything else within his comfort zone.  When we are at a new park or hiking a new trail I will go with him and show him how to do it safely.  I make sure his shoes are not slippery on the bottom, I make sure he has a way to get down and I stand close by the first time he tries something.  I would rather teach him and show him how to climb a  rock safely than forbid him to do it.  I'd rather show him what poison oak looks like and answer his questions about what happens if we touch it, than forbid him to explore nature.  Lately he has been asking about mountain lions and bears.  We have been talking about going camping a lot lately and he understands that we will be in the mountains.  We found a video on youtube that talks about what to do if we ever encounter a wild animal such as a mountain lion. 

After 6 years of watching him, starting with Gymnastics when he was 2, I am confident in his ability to judge and assess his environment.  I have seen him decide not to do something because he feels it is too high and I have seen him decide not to do something because he feels he isn't ready and needs more practice.  I never push him when he feels nervous or make him feel bad for not trying something new.  I trust that he will let me know when he is ready to try something.

So, that being said, what prompted me to express how I parent my son when it comes to fear and freedom (especially with regards to the outdoors)?  Probably these comments I've been hearing a lot lately at a few different parks.  And believe it or not I have a picture to go with each time another mom spoke near Luis saying these things:

"Be careful, don't hurt yourself."

"You're making me nervous."
















"Where is that boy's mother?" ( I actually laugh about this one because I'm usually right next to them but they are probably looking for a Mexican lady, LOL)
















"______don't do what he just did." (I get this one the most, especially when he jumps off of his swing seat)

















Luckily Luis is oblivious to all of these fear messages and just goes about his joyful day climbing, swinging and jumping off of things.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand when another parent gets startled or feels uneasy when Luis does certain things near them and I usually find a way to put their mind at ease and share that I am aware of what he is doing and I have seen him in this situation many times.  I tell them that I understand how it might look but he is very capable and thank them for their concern. 

Elfin Forest Adventure

Living so close to a lake with great hiking trails and playgrounds has given us plenty of hours of fun in the great outdoors.  But, yesterday we decided to branch out of our hiking comfort zone and try a new trail.  We did a quick internet search for hiking in Escondido and found Elfin Forest.  Their "Botanical Trail" is great for kids and less than a mile long.  We printed our map and our Botanical Trail Guide designed to introduce us to some of the plant communities and help us identify some of the species found along the trail.  There were numbered wooden stumps along the trail that coincided with numbers on the trail guide and a description of what we were looking at. 

Luis was so excited to locate the numbers and find out what we would see next.  Our first stop was Poison Oak.  We learned a little rhyme to help us remember what poison oak looked like, "Leaves of three, stay away from me."  I always wondered what Poison Oak looked like and never really took the time to check it out up close.  Now Luis and I know what to look for on future hiking trips.

Our next stop was Black Sage.  Our trail guide description told us to gently rub one of the leaves to smell the strong scent of sage.  Here is Luis smelling the Sage:

There were 25 more things on our list to see, touch, smell and learn about along our path.  Every once in awhile Luis would stop and inform me of what direction we were going.  I have noticed that when he has something to hold on to and something specific to look for he enjoys the trip and doesn't get tired as fast.

The creek at the end of the trail was a great way to finish our new adventure.  Luis made up a game using sticks and the flow of the creek and my favorite part was sitting on the rocks and just soaking up the nature all around us.  Here is a picture of Luis "thinking" on a rock in the creek:

Wait, I almost forgot.  Luis' favorite rock on our trip was this rock shaped like a "man's face" in the side of the hill:

Happy Hiking !!

Here is a great link for help finding nature in your area:

http://www.naturerocks.org/

Laughter is the best medicine !!

Laughter doesn't taste bad, it's free and has real health benefits.  We should do a little bit of laughing every day.

http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/laughter.htm

As I type this blog post I can hear Tatiana and Luis cracking up in the background.  They are watching America's Funniest Home Videos.  A family favorite.  We just can't get enough.  When I was young, my mom had a video camera in her hand wherever we went.  We used to joke about having our whole lives on video.  When I get the chance, I am going to locate some of these old videos and see if I can share some of them.  Meanwhile, we will have to stick to laughing at the expense of other families and their mishaps OR this video of Tom Hanks and his daughter.  By the way, Tom Hanks is my favorite actor of ALL time.

Enjoy !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPLWKBWkn3s

Wired to Attach

"Human beings are biologically wired to attach." - Dr. Gabor Mate

I came across this video of Dr. Gabor Mate where he speaks about children and attachment.  I would have to say that of all the videos or articles I have shared, in my opinion, this one is the most important.  Dr. Mate seems to tie together everything that I believe about human/child development and parenting in an AMAZING speech.  If there is a message that I would like to convey to the world, this would be the one. 

I will be getting his book as soon as possible !!

Enjoy:

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6519665

Valentine's Day The Gonzalez Way

It seems there are as many opinions about Valentine's Day as there are Valentine's. Most play along and celebrate with cards and gifts and other cheesy (oops, I mean Romantic) gestures. Some find it another annoying attempt from corporations to guilt us into spending money. Some know the history of Valentine's Day and can't even believe we "celebrate" it at all. Oh and then there's the, "Why should we have a designated day to express love when we should do it every day of the year anyway" club. So, which one best suits the Gonzalez family? I would say, all of the above in one way or another.

I started my morning with a curiosity about the origins of Valentine's Day and found an interesting article from National Geographic. Then a Valentine's breakfast for a hungry little boy: A cheese omelet shaped like a heart, of course !!

After that I asked Luis if he wanted to go to a Valentine's Party with our new Funschoolers Group (a play on words: putting the "fun" in "un"). We decided to go, quickly made Valentine's to share with 33 kids and stopped at Trader Joe's to get a snack to share.

We had so much fun at our party and are so happy to be making friends with so many wonderful families. We are looking forward to many more fun events with this group. When we got home Jose and I opened each other's cards (he knows me so well) and Luis opened his. He has always loved getting cards. He saves all of his birthday cards. So, knowing how much he loved them is why I chose to participate in the consumer aspect of the holiday. We also made a last minute decision to go out to dinner. Luis wanted Mexican food so we went to Acapulco restaurant. We had to wait almost an hour for our food to arrive but listening to them tell knock, knock jokes while we waited was hilarious. I've never heard Luis laugh so hard. We finished our Valentine's day with a Butter Pecan Cheesecake to share. Yummy !!

Last, but not least, a little shout out to my mom. The most thoughtful person I know and she makes the best rice crispy treats. Here is Tatiana with rice crispy lips. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. Hope yours was..well...whatever you wanted it to be.

Kites, Bikes and Ladybugs !!

After Luis' music class in San Diego we decided to hang out at Mission Bay Park. It is starting to become our Wednesday routine. After his class we find something fun and free in San Diego. So far we've been to Cabrillo National Monument, a playdate with fellow Unschoolers and now Mission Bay.





Luis has been fascinated with *AIR* lately. What is air made of? Is there air in space? What makes the air move? etc., etc. Luckily it was windy today so I brought the kite. He watched it move for what seemed to be hours. Really, it was probably more like 30 minutes. Flying a kite was such a simple activity but it helped me show him the answer to his questions.












His endless energy never ceases to amaze me. He also rode his bike with me on roller blades beside him. No, there isn't a picture of that. Sorry. My energy: not so endless.












The highlight of Luis' day seemed to be finding a lady bug. You would have thought he found gold. He studied it, talked to it, let it crawl all over him and when we had to leave he wanted to make sure he put it back where he found it close to grass and water so it would survive.



Sometimes our adventures are small and sometimes they are big. Either way, everything seems to be an adventure for us and everything a learning experience.

New Year, New Blog

I've been thinking a lot about family, friends and Facebook !! I have experienced many wonderful and positive things because of Facebook: Reconnecting with old friends, checking in with family and being updated with the happenings in their life, learning about myself and the universe and just basically having a place to share pictures and express myself.

However, I am finding that I am feeling more and more discouraged and disappointed when I don't feel or see those positive things. There are really only a handful of people that respond or provide feedback of any kind. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way so it isn't all of my "friends" that are to blame. Nor is it Facebook or myself. It just IS !!

So, I have decided to start packing up my Facebook home and move into the blogging world. I will keep my account and profile and a few pictures, etc. but I won't be using it as my primary social networking residence. I want to start blogging more and will try to post regular blogs and pictures. I already feel better about making these changes however slow the process will be. I see my blog as a "public journal" so to speak, therefore I will not expect comments or feedback just as you wouldn't expect it if you were writing in your journal in the privacy of your home with paper and a pen. But, this doesn't mean that I wouldn't LOVE to receive comments and I would LOVE for more of my family and friends to join me and "follow" the blog. I hope this is making some sense. I love to write and I love to express myself. I love to ask questions, share quotes and take pictures. I can do all of those things here. It feels safer for me. I feel more confident in sharing who I am and my thoughts. So, here I go, time for change !!!!

Free to be a Radical Unschooling Family !!

"Where did we ever get the grotesque idea that the state has a right to educate our kids? Where did we ever get the notion there is only one right way to grow up instead of hundreds? How did we lose our way and come to believe that human value and human quality can be reduced to numbers derived from paper/pencil tests?" John Taylor Gatto

http://www.nicolefilms.com/vidpg_4thpurpose.html

Coming out of the closet as an Unschooler wasn't easy. I continue to stumble on my words when someone asks me what *my* plans are for the upcoming school year for Luis. Why can't I simply say, we are Radical Unschoolers and we don't have "plans" for school. Yes, I know, shocking !! No plans for school. How can that be? So, then how will he learn?

About 6 months ago I was sitting in Luis' bedroom with a stack of about 10 worksheets. Luis was sitting at his desk already crying and frustrated about the prospect of another hour of sitting and focusing on these white papers with black writing. These papers that ask me to draw a line from a word to an object, to fill in the blanks and pick the best answer to a question. I spent 2 years in college studying child development and vowing to never put my child through such absurdity. And yet, there I sat coercing, pushing, forcing my own agenda on my child. All out of fear that I will not look like a good parent to the Education Specialist at his Charter School and out of the fear that somehow if he can't sit still and finish his worksheets he will be "behind" in life. That day Luis in all his frustration announced that he hates school work and he didn't like me being his teacher and that he just wants me to be his mom. I put the worksheets away and held him in my arms and promised myself that learning for my son will NEVER be a battle again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwIyy1Fi-4Q

It was less than a week later that I came across this video interview of Astra Taylor. Watching this video was the start of a major turning point in my life. It was a very long interview of a woman who was raised with the Unschooling philosophy and did not attend school most of her life, nor did her parents "bring school home" through traditional homeschooling. She lived a life where she was truly free to follow her interests and her passions and her parents were there to facilitate. This was my first exposure to the idea of unschooling. Since then I have done an incredible amount of research, met other local unschoolers and slowly weaned my son off of the Charter School. Luis also has Amblyopia (lazy eye) and I realized that even the classes he was taking at the Charter School were really hard for him because he has trouble focusing. We started vision therapy and stopped all of his classes.

After watching Luis "learn" without school for about 6 months, I was amazed at how much he figured out just using basic curiosity. I documented everything and took pictures and never once coerced, encouraged or told him what "I" thought he should be learning. Our world is our classroom now. Instead of textbooks we utilize the library, instead of sitting for 6 hours every day and learning what is expected for an upcoming test we go to museums and instead of socializing with other kids his age for 15 minutes per day (I believe this is the current amount of recess time) we are out in the community socializing with people of ALL ages.

As a family we have slowly implemented the philosophies of Radical Unschooling. Radical Unschooling is simply extending the unschooling philosophy of freedom and equality to all areas of life including sleeping and eating for example. We are trying to live in a Consensual Household where every one's needs are treated equally. We have discussions and live by principles instead of arbitrary rules. This isn't always easy as we have so much "authoritarian parenting" baggage to work through. I am gaining more confidence as we seek out more peaceful ways of living. I often fall back into micro-managing my son but I recognize it and remind myself that he is on his own journey and I am not here to "mold" him into the person "I" think he should be. I want to treat him with the same respect that I would treat an adult friend. When he gets upset about something I am there to listen, understand and help instead of punish and control. I guess you can say we are still going through some "growing pains" as we shift our lifestyle to be more in alignment with our beliefs. I am happy to be *out* as a Radical Unschooler (Life Learning/Consensual Living Family). We are all on different paths in our life and within our families. Thank you for reading about the Gonzalez Family.

http://www.consensual-living.com/index.htm

My life as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) !

After debating in my mind for awhile (a typical HSP trait, I'm sure), I decided to write this blog post. A few months ago I stumbled across this website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

I went through it a little and took Elaine Aron's quiz to find out where I stood on the HSP spectrum. I took the quiz many times just to be sure and came out with 27/27 every time !! I was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. I've heard that word "sensitive" used to describe me more times than I can count. But, I was shocked that I really could confidently answer yes to ALL of the questions. So what does this mean? Well, I did some research (surprise, surprise) and turns out that 15-20% of the population "have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds and time pressure. The HSP tends to be very sensitive to pain, the effects of caffeine and violent movies. HSP are also made extremely uncomfortable by bright lights, strong smells and changes in their lives." (from Ted Zeff)

Ted Zeff goes on to say, "You may be occasionally told by non-HSP's that there is something wrong with you when you express the need for quiet time or when you're feeling overwhelmed at work or taking care of your duties at home. Being judged for having a finely tuned nervous system is like discriminating against people based on the color of their skin, religion or national origin."

This has been such a bitter sweet discovery for me. I am learning to appreciate that I was born this way and accept who I am. The more that I try to be someone I am not, the harder it is for me to cope in my environment. Memories of my childhood have been flooding in. I remember being so frustrated when people told me I was shy or quiet. I now know that it was not because I was shy but because I was absorbing everybody's emotions and taking in all of the stimuli around me. I recall being annoyed when people called me "picky" as if it was something bad. I am extremely sensitive to the pain and suffering of people and animals. I cry during almost every movie I watch. Wow, I could go on and on. I have gotten past being angry about being this type of "different". Ted Zeff's book, The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, has helped me come up with coping strategies. I am hoping to implement more yoga and meditation into my day. Being near water (ocean, lakes, streams) is very healing. I find myself at "my best" when I am in nature. For me, getting sleep and exercise are very important as well. Also, being the mommy of a HSP child has been very interesting. He is so much like me it is scary. But, I am realizing how valuable it is for both of us to "slow down" and enjoy life and therefore enjoy each other more.

When my husband found out about me being a HSP he told me, "It is nice to know that you aren't just "weird". When you need to smell the cheese before I cook with it, it isn't because you are trying to make my life difficult. When you constantly ask me to turn down the radio or TV it isn't because you are trying to control everything. Now I know why you don't like it when I wear cologne, etc., etc." He laughed when I told him I could "feel sounds". By the way, in the same way that my step-daughter doesn't like being laughed at for being a white skinned mexican, I really don't like being laughed at about my sensitivities. I don't like the dirty looks and the "it's all in her head" comments. On the other hand, I have to really apologize for those family and friends who have had the unfortunate experience of hanging out with me when I have "reached my limit" ! I am learning and growing and finding out more and more how to enjoy life. I am happy to let this out but also a little worried because I don't necessarily want anyone to treat me differently or not invite me to their parties or tip toe around me as if I am fragile. I'm actually quite social. I love talking and listening to people and learning about their lives. Those that really know me know that I can be goofy, adventurous and even spontaneous. These personality traits are totally separate from being a HSP. However, when I don't feel centered or comfortable these traits don't shine through. I would love to meet other highly sensitive people out there. So, if you read this blog and took the quiz or if you are already aware that you are a HSP please let me know.

It takes a village...

The African Proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child", has been popping into my head a lot lately. I have been getting an influx of these messages from the youngest Gonzalez: "When do I get to see my Mexico grandma again?", "I really like my Grandma Julie's house.", "How far of a drive is it to Aunt Coco's house?"and "Do you think we will ever go to Las Vegas again to see my cousin Collin?" Not to mention all of the requests for playdates with his friends. I am listening and wondering. Is he expressing an even deeper need? Are humans wired to thrive in environments where families (blood related or not) are a *constant* in their lives? I came across an article where the focus is on creating a more peaceful world but the author made some interesting points about how humans are wired to connect and care.

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/purple-america/we-are-hard-wired-to-care-and-connect

Realizing the importance of family and community, I wonder if I am doing enough to provide this for my son. Since I do not live in a "village", how can I create one for him? Of course this got me thinking, why should it be so hard? In other countries or cultures, intergenerational homes or communities are the norm. Children have the benefit of connecting with many adults throughout their day and the elderly are revered and cherished and continue to live within their family or community until they die. In our country, it is the norm to live in single family homes and separated by miles from extended family. Children are sent to their "artificial communities" (schools) by age 5 and the elderly are sent to their "artificial communities" (nursing homes) as soon as they require any kind of "care". There was a study done by Dan Buettner to find the path to long life and health. Dan and his team studied the world's "Blue Zones", communities whose elders live with vim and vigor to record-setting age. I noticed that in ALL of these longevity zones the common theme was close social ties and a respect for the elderly. Furthermore, children in these zones had lower rates of mortality and disease. This was referred to as the "Grandmother effect".

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_buettner_how_to_live_to_be_100.html

It seems that there are places where community just *is*. I doubt that the people in these "Blue Zones" sit down together over dinner and share strategies for creating a community. I often imagine (fantasize about) living in a community or neighborhood where raising healthy, happy, confident children is not a *goal* of one or two parents but a *result* of close relationships with many healthy, happy, confident people of all ages.

I started writing this blog about 4 days ago and stopped at the above paragraph. In that time, we had a playdate, a BBQ at our home where Luis' sister, grandma, aunts and cousins joined us and plans are in the works for more connections and new friends. I am incredibly grateful for my family and friends. We might not live in a physical "village" but I will continue to strive for the community my heart and my son's heart desires. In the meantime, here is what my Utopia would look like: http://www.cohousing.org/what_is_cohousing. Also, I would have to add that behind the homes in the picture with the kids riding their bikes, would be an expanse of nature where the children can roam freely until the sun goes down.

Hugging and Kissing and Being Calm

Luis was deep into Wii Sports world and I was deep into Facebook world when I decided it was time to write another post. I was thinking about what to write when I heard those familiar shoes walking with a familiar pace. "Hi mommy" he said. "Are you coming for a "snuggie" (our cheesy name for cuddle)?" I said. He touched my new "Peace" necklace from Mexico City and he asked, "What does this symbol mean?" I told him it means peace and asked him what "peace" meant to him. He said, "Peace means hugging and kissing and being calm".

I thought about how the world would be a much better place if we did more "hugging and kissing and being calm". I love his answers. They are always better than mine.

AVATAR and NDD

I came across an interesting article from Richard Louv, author of The Last Child in the Woods. It was an open letter to James Cameron regarding Avatar. Here is the link:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/people-in-nature/201001/open-letter-james-cameron

I had the privilege to meet Richard Louv and hear him talk in Springfield, Missouri a couple of years ago. I also had the privilege to experience James Cameron's Avatar on the IMAX screen. What a great combination. Richard Louv coined the term Nature Deficit Disorder "in an effort to heal the broken bond between our young and nature".

An interviewer asks James Cameron: "What is 'Avatar' saying?

He answered: "It asks the questions about our relationship with each other, from culture to culture, and our relationship with the natural world at a time of nature-deficit disorder."

It was interesting to actually hear it from James Cameron after all of the many interpretations out there about this movie. It was more than a movie it was an experience. I can't wait to see it again :)

Making Pools

My inspiration for this blog came from a recent trip to the dog beach. It was "leashes off" season so the dogs could be "free" to roam, run, make friends and make a mess. As I sat there watching all the variety of dogs and their owners I couldn't help but notice that the energy the owners had seemed to transfer to their dogs. Some of the dog owners followed their dogs every move yelling with a very obvious anxiety. What if my dog poops here? What if she walks on that person's towel? What if they go into the water and track mud into the car? What if he fights with the other dogs? The dogs with these "helicopter" owners were the ones wrecking havoc and eventually had to be contained and leashed. Others were much more laid back and friendly. Their dogs walked around sniffing other dogs, exploring the water and wagging their tails.

Then I wondered, does this apply to children? I have noticed lately that the more I let go of these mostly unnecessary fears and stopped listening to those "what if" voices, I have been able to enjoy my son so much more. That day at the dog beach I decided to walk over to Luis and see what he was up to. He said mommy, "I am making pools".

I hope that I can remember what he said that day the next time those voices are telling me, "He is going to make a mess".

Is he making a mess or is he "making pools"?

Our Mexico City Trip

For my first blog post I thought I would back track a little bit and talk about our trip to Mexico City in December 2009. This was my 3rd time in Mexico City and Luis' 2nd time. The last time we went he was only 6 months old. It was great to watch him experience the city this time and interact with Jose's family. We stayed with Jose's mom at her condo. Even though we were grateful for the opportunity to stay with her and to be close to her we decided to stay in a hotel next time. This will afford us the freedom to spend time with the rest of Jose's family a little more. The first time I went was very overwhelming. It is, according to Jose's mom, the largest city in the world. Of course Jose and his mom went back and forth on whether that was true. Either way, in the end and especially in the Mexican culture, mom will always be right. The second time I was able to bring my mom and my sister Bethany. Having their company made the second trip much less stressful. By the 3rd time, I am an expert Mexico City traveler. No more time in the hospital with a stomach infection and no more freaking out every time we get in the car. The city is wonderful and rich and full of life. However, despite my mother in law's attempts to persuade us otherwise, we could never live there.


One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to the Mexico City Children's Museum. We could have spent a whole week in that place. Luis had a blast. There were a few other places that I will need to check with Jose on the names. We enjoyed getting to experience the Christmas traditions of Jose's family. Overall, it was a good trip. Some drama with Jose's mom and sister but that is expected now so I just sit on the sidelines and watch and sometimes laugh. We were glad to be home and ready to start a new year.