The African Proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child", has been popping into my head a lot lately. I have been getting an influx of these messages from the youngest Gonzalez: "When do I get to see my Mexico grandma again?", "I really like my Grandma Julie's house.", "How far of a drive is it to Aunt Coco's house?"and "Do you think we will ever go to Las Vegas again to see my cousin Collin?" Not to mention all of the requests for playdates with his friends. I am listening and wondering. Is he expressing an even deeper need? Are humans wired to thrive in environments where families (blood related or not) are a *constant* in their lives? I came across an article where the focus is on creating a more peaceful world but the author made some interesting points about how humans are wired to connect and care.
Realizing the importance of family and community, I wonder if I am doing enough to provide this for my son. Since I do not live in a "village", how can I create one for him? Of course this got me thinking, why should it be so hard? In other countries or cultures, intergenerational homes or communities are the norm. Children have the benefit of connecting with many adults throughout their day and the elderly are revered and cherished and continue to live within their family or community until they die. In our country, it is the norm to live in single family homes and separated by miles from extended family. Children are sent to their "artificial communities" (schools) by age 5 and the elderly are sent to their "artificial communities" (nursing homes) as soon as they require any kind of "care". There was a study done by Dan Buettner to find the path to long life and health. Dan and his team studied the world's "Blue Zones", communities whose elders live with vim and vigor to record-setting age. I noticed that in ALL of these longevity zones the common theme was close social ties and a respect for the elderly. Furthermore, children in these zones had lower rates of mortality and disease. This was referred to as the "Grandmother effect".
It seems that there are places where community just *is*. I doubt that the people in these "Blue Zones" sit down together over dinner and share strategies for creating a community. I often imagine (fantasize about) living in a community or neighborhood where raising healthy, happy, confident children is not a *goal* of one or two parents but a *result* of close relationships with many healthy, happy, confident people of all ages.
I started writing this blog about 4 days ago and stopped at the above paragraph. In that time, we had a playdate, a BBQ at our home where Luis' sister, grandma, aunts and cousins joined us and plans are in the works for more connections and new friends. I am incredibly grateful for my family and friends. We might not live in a physical "village" but I will continue to strive for the community my heart and my son's heart desires. In the meantime, here is what my Utopia would look like: http://www.cohousing.org/what_is_cohousing. Also, I would have to add that behind the homes in the picture with the kids riding their bikes, would be an expanse of nature where the children can roam freely until the sun goes down.
