Free to be a Radical Unschooling Family !!

"Where did we ever get the grotesque idea that the state has a right to educate our kids? Where did we ever get the notion there is only one right way to grow up instead of hundreds? How did we lose our way and come to believe that human value and human quality can be reduced to numbers derived from paper/pencil tests?" John Taylor Gatto

http://www.nicolefilms.com/vidpg_4thpurpose.html

Coming out of the closet as an Unschooler wasn't easy. I continue to stumble on my words when someone asks me what *my* plans are for the upcoming school year for Luis. Why can't I simply say, we are Radical Unschoolers and we don't have "plans" for school. Yes, I know, shocking !! No plans for school. How can that be? So, then how will he learn?

About 6 months ago I was sitting in Luis' bedroom with a stack of about 10 worksheets. Luis was sitting at his desk already crying and frustrated about the prospect of another hour of sitting and focusing on these white papers with black writing. These papers that ask me to draw a line from a word to an object, to fill in the blanks and pick the best answer to a question. I spent 2 years in college studying child development and vowing to never put my child through such absurdity. And yet, there I sat coercing, pushing, forcing my own agenda on my child. All out of fear that I will not look like a good parent to the Education Specialist at his Charter School and out of the fear that somehow if he can't sit still and finish his worksheets he will be "behind" in life. That day Luis in all his frustration announced that he hates school work and he didn't like me being his teacher and that he just wants me to be his mom. I put the worksheets away and held him in my arms and promised myself that learning for my son will NEVER be a battle again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwIyy1Fi-4Q

It was less than a week later that I came across this video interview of Astra Taylor. Watching this video was the start of a major turning point in my life. It was a very long interview of a woman who was raised with the Unschooling philosophy and did not attend school most of her life, nor did her parents "bring school home" through traditional homeschooling. She lived a life where she was truly free to follow her interests and her passions and her parents were there to facilitate. This was my first exposure to the idea of unschooling. Since then I have done an incredible amount of research, met other local unschoolers and slowly weaned my son off of the Charter School. Luis also has Amblyopia (lazy eye) and I realized that even the classes he was taking at the Charter School were really hard for him because he has trouble focusing. We started vision therapy and stopped all of his classes.

After watching Luis "learn" without school for about 6 months, I was amazed at how much he figured out just using basic curiosity. I documented everything and took pictures and never once coerced, encouraged or told him what "I" thought he should be learning. Our world is our classroom now. Instead of textbooks we utilize the library, instead of sitting for 6 hours every day and learning what is expected for an upcoming test we go to museums and instead of socializing with other kids his age for 15 minutes per day (I believe this is the current amount of recess time) we are out in the community socializing with people of ALL ages.

As a family we have slowly implemented the philosophies of Radical Unschooling. Radical Unschooling is simply extending the unschooling philosophy of freedom and equality to all areas of life including sleeping and eating for example. We are trying to live in a Consensual Household where every one's needs are treated equally. We have discussions and live by principles instead of arbitrary rules. This isn't always easy as we have so much "authoritarian parenting" baggage to work through. I am gaining more confidence as we seek out more peaceful ways of living. I often fall back into micro-managing my son but I recognize it and remind myself that he is on his own journey and I am not here to "mold" him into the person "I" think he should be. I want to treat him with the same respect that I would treat an adult friend. When he gets upset about something I am there to listen, understand and help instead of punish and control. I guess you can say we are still going through some "growing pains" as we shift our lifestyle to be more in alignment with our beliefs. I am happy to be *out* as a Radical Unschooler (Life Learning/Consensual Living Family). We are all on different paths in our life and within our families. Thank you for reading about the Gonzalez Family.

http://www.consensual-living.com/index.htm

My life as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) !

After debating in my mind for awhile (a typical HSP trait, I'm sure), I decided to write this blog post. A few months ago I stumbled across this website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

I went through it a little and took Elaine Aron's quiz to find out where I stood on the HSP spectrum. I took the quiz many times just to be sure and came out with 27/27 every time !! I was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. I've heard that word "sensitive" used to describe me more times than I can count. But, I was shocked that I really could confidently answer yes to ALL of the questions. So what does this mean? Well, I did some research (surprise, surprise) and turns out that 15-20% of the population "have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds and time pressure. The HSP tends to be very sensitive to pain, the effects of caffeine and violent movies. HSP are also made extremely uncomfortable by bright lights, strong smells and changes in their lives." (from Ted Zeff)

Ted Zeff goes on to say, "You may be occasionally told by non-HSP's that there is something wrong with you when you express the need for quiet time or when you're feeling overwhelmed at work or taking care of your duties at home. Being judged for having a finely tuned nervous system is like discriminating against people based on the color of their skin, religion or national origin."

This has been such a bitter sweet discovery for me. I am learning to appreciate that I was born this way and accept who I am. The more that I try to be someone I am not, the harder it is for me to cope in my environment. Memories of my childhood have been flooding in. I remember being so frustrated when people told me I was shy or quiet. I now know that it was not because I was shy but because I was absorbing everybody's emotions and taking in all of the stimuli around me. I recall being annoyed when people called me "picky" as if it was something bad. I am extremely sensitive to the pain and suffering of people and animals. I cry during almost every movie I watch. Wow, I could go on and on. I have gotten past being angry about being this type of "different". Ted Zeff's book, The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, has helped me come up with coping strategies. I am hoping to implement more yoga and meditation into my day. Being near water (ocean, lakes, streams) is very healing. I find myself at "my best" when I am in nature. For me, getting sleep and exercise are very important as well. Also, being the mommy of a HSP child has been very interesting. He is so much like me it is scary. But, I am realizing how valuable it is for both of us to "slow down" and enjoy life and therefore enjoy each other more.

When my husband found out about me being a HSP he told me, "It is nice to know that you aren't just "weird". When you need to smell the cheese before I cook with it, it isn't because you are trying to make my life difficult. When you constantly ask me to turn down the radio or TV it isn't because you are trying to control everything. Now I know why you don't like it when I wear cologne, etc., etc." He laughed when I told him I could "feel sounds". By the way, in the same way that my step-daughter doesn't like being laughed at for being a white skinned mexican, I really don't like being laughed at about my sensitivities. I don't like the dirty looks and the "it's all in her head" comments. On the other hand, I have to really apologize for those family and friends who have had the unfortunate experience of hanging out with me when I have "reached my limit" ! I am learning and growing and finding out more and more how to enjoy life. I am happy to let this out but also a little worried because I don't necessarily want anyone to treat me differently or not invite me to their parties or tip toe around me as if I am fragile. I'm actually quite social. I love talking and listening to people and learning about their lives. Those that really know me know that I can be goofy, adventurous and even spontaneous. These personality traits are totally separate from being a HSP. However, when I don't feel centered or comfortable these traits don't shine through. I would love to meet other highly sensitive people out there. So, if you read this blog and took the quiz or if you are already aware that you are a HSP please let me know.

It takes a village...

The African Proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child", has been popping into my head a lot lately. I have been getting an influx of these messages from the youngest Gonzalez: "When do I get to see my Mexico grandma again?", "I really like my Grandma Julie's house.", "How far of a drive is it to Aunt Coco's house?"and "Do you think we will ever go to Las Vegas again to see my cousin Collin?" Not to mention all of the requests for playdates with his friends. I am listening and wondering. Is he expressing an even deeper need? Are humans wired to thrive in environments where families (blood related or not) are a *constant* in their lives? I came across an article where the focus is on creating a more peaceful world but the author made some interesting points about how humans are wired to connect and care.

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/purple-america/we-are-hard-wired-to-care-and-connect

Realizing the importance of family and community, I wonder if I am doing enough to provide this for my son. Since I do not live in a "village", how can I create one for him? Of course this got me thinking, why should it be so hard? In other countries or cultures, intergenerational homes or communities are the norm. Children have the benefit of connecting with many adults throughout their day and the elderly are revered and cherished and continue to live within their family or community until they die. In our country, it is the norm to live in single family homes and separated by miles from extended family. Children are sent to their "artificial communities" (schools) by age 5 and the elderly are sent to their "artificial communities" (nursing homes) as soon as they require any kind of "care". There was a study done by Dan Buettner to find the path to long life and health. Dan and his team studied the world's "Blue Zones", communities whose elders live with vim and vigor to record-setting age. I noticed that in ALL of these longevity zones the common theme was close social ties and a respect for the elderly. Furthermore, children in these zones had lower rates of mortality and disease. This was referred to as the "Grandmother effect".

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_buettner_how_to_live_to_be_100.html

It seems that there are places where community just *is*. I doubt that the people in these "Blue Zones" sit down together over dinner and share strategies for creating a community. I often imagine (fantasize about) living in a community or neighborhood where raising healthy, happy, confident children is not a *goal* of one or two parents but a *result* of close relationships with many healthy, happy, confident people of all ages.

I started writing this blog about 4 days ago and stopped at the above paragraph. In that time, we had a playdate, a BBQ at our home where Luis' sister, grandma, aunts and cousins joined us and plans are in the works for more connections and new friends. I am incredibly grateful for my family and friends. We might not live in a physical "village" but I will continue to strive for the community my heart and my son's heart desires. In the meantime, here is what my Utopia would look like: http://www.cohousing.org/what_is_cohousing. Also, I would have to add that behind the homes in the picture with the kids riding their bikes, would be an expanse of nature where the children can roam freely until the sun goes down.

Hugging and Kissing and Being Calm

Luis was deep into Wii Sports world and I was deep into Facebook world when I decided it was time to write another post. I was thinking about what to write when I heard those familiar shoes walking with a familiar pace. "Hi mommy" he said. "Are you coming for a "snuggie" (our cheesy name for cuddle)?" I said. He touched my new "Peace" necklace from Mexico City and he asked, "What does this symbol mean?" I told him it means peace and asked him what "peace" meant to him. He said, "Peace means hugging and kissing and being calm".

I thought about how the world would be a much better place if we did more "hugging and kissing and being calm". I love his answers. They are always better than mine.

AVATAR and NDD

I came across an interesting article from Richard Louv, author of The Last Child in the Woods. It was an open letter to James Cameron regarding Avatar. Here is the link:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/people-in-nature/201001/open-letter-james-cameron

I had the privilege to meet Richard Louv and hear him talk in Springfield, Missouri a couple of years ago. I also had the privilege to experience James Cameron's Avatar on the IMAX screen. What a great combination. Richard Louv coined the term Nature Deficit Disorder "in an effort to heal the broken bond between our young and nature".

An interviewer asks James Cameron: "What is 'Avatar' saying?

He answered: "It asks the questions about our relationship with each other, from culture to culture, and our relationship with the natural world at a time of nature-deficit disorder."

It was interesting to actually hear it from James Cameron after all of the many interpretations out there about this movie. It was more than a movie it was an experience. I can't wait to see it again :)

Making Pools

My inspiration for this blog came from a recent trip to the dog beach. It was "leashes off" season so the dogs could be "free" to roam, run, make friends and make a mess. As I sat there watching all the variety of dogs and their owners I couldn't help but notice that the energy the owners had seemed to transfer to their dogs. Some of the dog owners followed their dogs every move yelling with a very obvious anxiety. What if my dog poops here? What if she walks on that person's towel? What if they go into the water and track mud into the car? What if he fights with the other dogs? The dogs with these "helicopter" owners were the ones wrecking havoc and eventually had to be contained and leashed. Others were much more laid back and friendly. Their dogs walked around sniffing other dogs, exploring the water and wagging their tails.

Then I wondered, does this apply to children? I have noticed lately that the more I let go of these mostly unnecessary fears and stopped listening to those "what if" voices, I have been able to enjoy my son so much more. That day at the dog beach I decided to walk over to Luis and see what he was up to. He said mommy, "I am making pools".

I hope that I can remember what he said that day the next time those voices are telling me, "He is going to make a mess".

Is he making a mess or is he "making pools"?

Our Mexico City Trip

For my first blog post I thought I would back track a little bit and talk about our trip to Mexico City in December 2009. This was my 3rd time in Mexico City and Luis' 2nd time. The last time we went he was only 6 months old. It was great to watch him experience the city this time and interact with Jose's family. We stayed with Jose's mom at her condo. Even though we were grateful for the opportunity to stay with her and to be close to her we decided to stay in a hotel next time. This will afford us the freedom to spend time with the rest of Jose's family a little more. The first time I went was very overwhelming. It is, according to Jose's mom, the largest city in the world. Of course Jose and his mom went back and forth on whether that was true. Either way, in the end and especially in the Mexican culture, mom will always be right. The second time I was able to bring my mom and my sister Bethany. Having their company made the second trip much less stressful. By the 3rd time, I am an expert Mexico City traveler. No more time in the hospital with a stomach infection and no more freaking out every time we get in the car. The city is wonderful and rich and full of life. However, despite my mother in law's attempts to persuade us otherwise, we could never live there.


One of the highlights of our trip was a visit to the Mexico City Children's Museum. We could have spent a whole week in that place. Luis had a blast. There were a few other places that I will need to check with Jose on the names. We enjoyed getting to experience the Christmas traditions of Jose's family. Overall, it was a good trip. Some drama with Jose's mom and sister but that is expected now so I just sit on the sidelines and watch and sometimes laugh. We were glad to be home and ready to start a new year.