After debating in my mind for awhile (a typical HSP trait, I'm sure), I decided to write this blog post. A few months ago I stumbled across this website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
I went through it a little and took Elaine Aron's quiz to find out where I stood on the HSP spectrum. I took the quiz many times just to be sure and came out with 27/27 every time !! I was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. I've heard that word "sensitive" used to describe me more times than I can count. But, I was shocked that I really could confidently answer yes to ALL of the questions. So what does this mean? Well, I did some research (surprise, surprise) and turns out that 15-20% of the population "have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds and time pressure. The HSP tends to be very sensitive to pain, the effects of caffeine and violent movies. HSP are also made extremely uncomfortable by bright lights, strong smells and changes in their lives." (from Ted Zeff)
Ted Zeff goes on to say, "You may be occasionally told by non-HSP's that there is something wrong with you when you express the need for quiet time or when you're feeling overwhelmed at work or taking care of your duties at home. Being judged for having a finely tuned nervous system is like discriminating against people based on the color of their skin, religion or national origin."
This has been such a bitter sweet discovery for me. I am learning to appreciate that I was born this way and accept who I am. The more that I try to be someone I am not, the harder it is for me to cope in my environment. Memories of my childhood have been flooding in. I remember being so frustrated when people told me I was shy or quiet. I now know that it was not because I was shy but because I was absorbing everybody's emotions and taking in all of the stimuli around me. I recall being annoyed when people called me "picky" as if it was something bad. I am extremely sensitive to the pain and suffering of people and animals. I cry during almost every movie I watch. Wow, I could go on and on. I have gotten past being angry about being this type of "different". Ted Zeff's book, The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, has helped me come up with coping strategies. I am hoping to implement more yoga and meditation into my day. Being near water (ocean, lakes, streams) is very healing. I find myself at "my best" when I am in nature. For me, getting sleep and exercise are very important as well. Also, being the mommy of a HSP child has been very interesting. He is so much like me it is scary. But, I am realizing how valuable it is for both of us to "slow down" and enjoy life and therefore enjoy each other more.
When my husband found out about me being a HSP he told me, "It is nice to know that you aren't just "weird". When you need to smell the cheese before I cook with it, it isn't because you are trying to make my life difficult. When you constantly ask me to turn down the radio or TV it isn't because you are trying to control everything. Now I know why you don't like it when I wear cologne, etc., etc." He laughed when I told him I could "feel sounds". By the way, in the same way that my step-daughter doesn't like being laughed at for being a white skinned mexican, I really don't like being laughed at about my sensitivities. I don't like the dirty looks and the "it's all in her head" comments. On the other hand, I have to really apologize for those family and friends who have had the unfortunate experience of hanging out with me when I have "reached my limit" ! I am learning and growing and finding out more and more how to enjoy life. I am happy to let this out but also a little worried because I don't necessarily want anyone to treat me differently or not invite me to their parties or tip toe around me as if I am fragile. I'm actually quite social. I love talking and listening to people and learning about their lives. Those that really know me know that I can be goofy, adventurous and even spontaneous. These personality traits are totally separate from being a HSP. However, when I don't feel centered or comfortable these traits don't shine through. I would love to meet other highly sensitive people out there. So, if you read this blog and took the quiz or if you are already aware that you are a HSP please let me know.
Hey Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your discovery and on getting answers to all your question in your mind. I can relate to all that you mention, it is a beautiful blog post.
Isn't it great to know there are more people out there like yourself.
All the Best
Be Well
Coach Nupur
transformationcoach.wordpress.com
I am an HSP as well and can totally understand what you're going thru. Also look up about being an Empath, as that can go hand in hand with HSP. Also, research Sensory Processing Disorder, which could also explain being an HSP, too. I have that as well. But you know what, even though I get irritated easily-especially when I am hungry!-I find that being an HSP can be positive. Reading other's moods I find is awesome. I "know" when someone is upset, its like I can just feel it, so much in fact that sometimes I know exactly what they are thinking. Not always, but usually. I read the Tarot, so this really really helps me understand my clients and makes me a better reader. Thanks for posting this though, and now I realize that my son is exactly this. Instead of always talking about Sensory Processing Disorder (which he has) I can tell him about being an HSP, so he doesn't have to blame everything on a "disorder". SPD takes external stimuli and instead of processing it normally, it goes all wacky and doesn't process it quickly. So both of us have severe anxiety because of it. Fun! But, like I said, it has its blessings and that's what I want to concentrate on :)
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie,
ReplyDeleteGood Blog, I feel like I am always on the same page with you. I am always referred to as the sensitive one, and like you was labeled "shy" as growing up, but agree that "I was absorbing everybody's emotions and taking in all of the stimuli around me." I scored a 14...but I'm not sure I fully understand all the statements and/or have thought about it that much yet. Thanks for the information though, I will be looking into it more!
Heather
Tiff,
ReplyDeleteI took the test-17 total for me. I can relate to most though. I always tell people, why would I want to watch violent movies and get more nightmares? Sometimes it takes days to get over violent scenes. I also try to avoid early activites to avoid the stress of morning rush. Rudy doesn't get that or that I will never be a morning person, and that doesn't make me "lazy". I am always balancing how to respect my inner self with stretching beyond my comfort zone. Jake would probably score off the charts on this test, and we are also always balancing with him to respect his nature but also encouraging him to go out of his comfort zone to be more social. Thanks for sharing Tiff.
Thanks Coach Napur. I will be checking out your website. Magickal housewife (what is your name?), thanks for responding. I have no doubt that I am an empath as well. And yes, I like HSP much more than SPD. HSP suggests that it is nature and SPD suggests nurture. Either way, being "aware" is interesting :) Thanks Heather, you can score a 14 and still be an HSP. Sometimes you might not be aware of things yet and maybe someone close to you is. For example, one question I was unsure about was the one about eating. I asked my husband and he laughed. He is 100% sure I get cranky when I don't eat. I have to eat often too.
ReplyDeleteDiana, there are some things that I have gotten a handle on as an HSP. Sleep and my health. I love how you said, "I am always balancing my inner self with stretching beyond my comfort zone." I often feel that way but the more I learn the more I realize that I don't "need" to go outside my comfort zone to live a good life. BTW, when people around me encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone when I was younger it ALWAYS made me more withdrawn or fearful. When I was able to explore and observe and slowly enter a social situation or try new things it was much better. Thanks for responding. You are a good friend.
Thanks for sharing your "journey" and discovery Tiffany!! I can relate to how annoying it was (and still is) to hear the words "quiet," "shy," and "sensitive" as if something is inherently wrong with you. Of course, inside on some level you know there isn't, you are just taking time to take everything in, but having our perspective justified by research such as Aron's is so liberating! Also, thanks for sharing this with the FB group. Appreciate it!! =)
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