Free to be a Radical Unschooling Family !!

"Where did we ever get the grotesque idea that the state has a right to educate our kids? Where did we ever get the notion there is only one right way to grow up instead of hundreds? How did we lose our way and come to believe that human value and human quality can be reduced to numbers derived from paper/pencil tests?" John Taylor Gatto

http://www.nicolefilms.com/vidpg_4thpurpose.html

Coming out of the closet as an Unschooler wasn't easy. I continue to stumble on my words when someone asks me what *my* plans are for the upcoming school year for Luis. Why can't I simply say, we are Radical Unschoolers and we don't have "plans" for school. Yes, I know, shocking !! No plans for school. How can that be? So, then how will he learn?

About 6 months ago I was sitting in Luis' bedroom with a stack of about 10 worksheets. Luis was sitting at his desk already crying and frustrated about the prospect of another hour of sitting and focusing on these white papers with black writing. These papers that ask me to draw a line from a word to an object, to fill in the blanks and pick the best answer to a question. I spent 2 years in college studying child development and vowing to never put my child through such absurdity. And yet, there I sat coercing, pushing, forcing my own agenda on my child. All out of fear that I will not look like a good parent to the Education Specialist at his Charter School and out of the fear that somehow if he can't sit still and finish his worksheets he will be "behind" in life. That day Luis in all his frustration announced that he hates school work and he didn't like me being his teacher and that he just wants me to be his mom. I put the worksheets away and held him in my arms and promised myself that learning for my son will NEVER be a battle again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwIyy1Fi-4Q

It was less than a week later that I came across this video interview of Astra Taylor. Watching this video was the start of a major turning point in my life. It was a very long interview of a woman who was raised with the Unschooling philosophy and did not attend school most of her life, nor did her parents "bring school home" through traditional homeschooling. She lived a life where she was truly free to follow her interests and her passions and her parents were there to facilitate. This was my first exposure to the idea of unschooling. Since then I have done an incredible amount of research, met other local unschoolers and slowly weaned my son off of the Charter School. Luis also has Amblyopia (lazy eye) and I realized that even the classes he was taking at the Charter School were really hard for him because he has trouble focusing. We started vision therapy and stopped all of his classes.

After watching Luis "learn" without school for about 6 months, I was amazed at how much he figured out just using basic curiosity. I documented everything and took pictures and never once coerced, encouraged or told him what "I" thought he should be learning. Our world is our classroom now. Instead of textbooks we utilize the library, instead of sitting for 6 hours every day and learning what is expected for an upcoming test we go to museums and instead of socializing with other kids his age for 15 minutes per day (I believe this is the current amount of recess time) we are out in the community socializing with people of ALL ages.

As a family we have slowly implemented the philosophies of Radical Unschooling. Radical Unschooling is simply extending the unschooling philosophy of freedom and equality to all areas of life including sleeping and eating for example. We are trying to live in a Consensual Household where every one's needs are treated equally. We have discussions and live by principles instead of arbitrary rules. This isn't always easy as we have so much "authoritarian parenting" baggage to work through. I am gaining more confidence as we seek out more peaceful ways of living. I often fall back into micro-managing my son but I recognize it and remind myself that he is on his own journey and I am not here to "mold" him into the person "I" think he should be. I want to treat him with the same respect that I would treat an adult friend. When he gets upset about something I am there to listen, understand and help instead of punish and control. I guess you can say we are still going through some "growing pains" as we shift our lifestyle to be more in alignment with our beliefs. I am happy to be *out* as a Radical Unschooler (Life Learning/Consensual Living Family). We are all on different paths in our life and within our families. Thank you for reading about the Gonzalez Family.

http://www.consensual-living.com/index.htm

My life as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) !

After debating in my mind for awhile (a typical HSP trait, I'm sure), I decided to write this blog post. A few months ago I stumbled across this website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

I went through it a little and took Elaine Aron's quiz to find out where I stood on the HSP spectrum. I took the quiz many times just to be sure and came out with 27/27 every time !! I was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. I've heard that word "sensitive" used to describe me more times than I can count. But, I was shocked that I really could confidently answer yes to ALL of the questions. So what does this mean? Well, I did some research (surprise, surprise) and turns out that 15-20% of the population "have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds and time pressure. The HSP tends to be very sensitive to pain, the effects of caffeine and violent movies. HSP are also made extremely uncomfortable by bright lights, strong smells and changes in their lives." (from Ted Zeff)

Ted Zeff goes on to say, "You may be occasionally told by non-HSP's that there is something wrong with you when you express the need for quiet time or when you're feeling overwhelmed at work or taking care of your duties at home. Being judged for having a finely tuned nervous system is like discriminating against people based on the color of their skin, religion or national origin."

This has been such a bitter sweet discovery for me. I am learning to appreciate that I was born this way and accept who I am. The more that I try to be someone I am not, the harder it is for me to cope in my environment. Memories of my childhood have been flooding in. I remember being so frustrated when people told me I was shy or quiet. I now know that it was not because I was shy but because I was absorbing everybody's emotions and taking in all of the stimuli around me. I recall being annoyed when people called me "picky" as if it was something bad. I am extremely sensitive to the pain and suffering of people and animals. I cry during almost every movie I watch. Wow, I could go on and on. I have gotten past being angry about being this type of "different". Ted Zeff's book, The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, has helped me come up with coping strategies. I am hoping to implement more yoga and meditation into my day. Being near water (ocean, lakes, streams) is very healing. I find myself at "my best" when I am in nature. For me, getting sleep and exercise are very important as well. Also, being the mommy of a HSP child has been very interesting. He is so much like me it is scary. But, I am realizing how valuable it is for both of us to "slow down" and enjoy life and therefore enjoy each other more.

When my husband found out about me being a HSP he told me, "It is nice to know that you aren't just "weird". When you need to smell the cheese before I cook with it, it isn't because you are trying to make my life difficult. When you constantly ask me to turn down the radio or TV it isn't because you are trying to control everything. Now I know why you don't like it when I wear cologne, etc., etc." He laughed when I told him I could "feel sounds". By the way, in the same way that my step-daughter doesn't like being laughed at for being a white skinned mexican, I really don't like being laughed at about my sensitivities. I don't like the dirty looks and the "it's all in her head" comments. On the other hand, I have to really apologize for those family and friends who have had the unfortunate experience of hanging out with me when I have "reached my limit" ! I am learning and growing and finding out more and more how to enjoy life. I am happy to let this out but also a little worried because I don't necessarily want anyone to treat me differently or not invite me to their parties or tip toe around me as if I am fragile. I'm actually quite social. I love talking and listening to people and learning about their lives. Those that really know me know that I can be goofy, adventurous and even spontaneous. These personality traits are totally separate from being a HSP. However, when I don't feel centered or comfortable these traits don't shine through. I would love to meet other highly sensitive people out there. So, if you read this blog and took the quiz or if you are already aware that you are a HSP please let me know.